A Higher Standard

When you become a parent through the blessing of adoption, it's a whole different path than what most folks go through to have a child. Every part of your life is turned inside out and scrutinized. Every part. From your finances to the intimacy you share with your spouse. Seriously, I'm not kidding. Those who have been through the Home Study Process can attest to this. Your lives are turned inside out and completely exposed. Hopefully, we can find the humor in it after the fact. When you are in the midst of it, however, it is anything but funny. In fact, there are times when you just want to scream and say, "THIS IS NOT FAIR!". One of the questions I asked myself, and I'm sure others have too, is why I was chosen to have to walk this road. In the hardest times you question why it is so easy for some, and not easy for you. One thing I have often been reminded of is that Jesus does not call us to "easy" all the time. I know that I have learned to persevere in times where I just didn't think I could. Like sitting at the courthouse waiting to get a copy of you and your spouse's Criminal Background checks. Yep, you guessed it, you can't adopt if you're a criminal. I'm okay with that one. We had to submit documentation during our Home Studies to show our salaries, our budget, proof of Medical Insurance and Life Insurance, family histories, references from friends and Pastors, and even our thoughts and feelings on raising children---even down what kind of discipline measures we will use. That one was hard, especially when you're childless and you have no idea what you'll do when it's your turn. Most people get to think about that after their children are born. In our church circles, and among those leaders and teachers we hold in the highest regard, spanking is a common form of discipline that is taught and encouraged when done properly. But guess what? Most social workers I've met don't believe in spanking. Why? Probably because they've heard, seen, and studied the effects of abuse against children. So, how do you answer that question? See what I mean? Thus the title of this post. I feel that we as adoptive parents are held to a higher standard than those who build their families through traditional means. Is this fair? You know what, life isn't fair sometimes. So, when I'm feeling that way, I just tell myself to get over it and move on. Deal with it. It is what it is, and it's gonna be what it's gonna be. I talk to myself a lot. And then there's the dialogue I have with myself on a daily basis. The thoughts that the enemy puts in my head often, the ones where he tells me I'm not good enough, that my boys deserve more than I am giving them--that they deserve more things, more of my time, more of my attention, less of my anger, more patience than I have some days. It's that higher standard that I keep going  back to, the one that the outside world imposed on our family before we were allowed to be considered as parents for a baby in need of a family. Then, after jumping through all those hoops, you wait. And wait. And wait some more. And you question whether or not you are worthy to be a parent of a sweet little baby. Why would anyone trust you enough to hand over their baby to you? Back to searching for the humor in it all, Scott and I proclaim ourselves "Bubba & Bertha" in a "Ken & Barbie" world. Are we too old, too fat, too poor? But God. Those two words sum it up--but God. In His greater plan, he brought us the two most amazing boys we could have ever imagined. They are just right for our family. Even in all of the legalistic parts of the adoption process, God was still there.

I have never shared on this blog that we have been "on the list" for adoption #3 for the last 20 months. We applied in Feb 2010 and officially started the wait in August of 2010. I'm not sure all of the reasons for not putting it all out there, some of them probably are valid, some not. Many people in our everyday lives know, we haven't kept it a secret by any means.  In some ways I don't feel we are worthy of another. I could say that I feel guilty to be in the running with many younger, childless couples when we already have two. Aside from that, I have a deep desire for a little girl somewhere out there to be a part of our family. I pray for her everyday. Many times I have asked the Lord why we are having to wait so long this time, and I haven't gotten a clear answer from Him. I know that He knew all our family would go through over the last year. It could be that this time His answer is "No". I am praying that I will be okay with it if it comes down to that. There are a lot of pink things hanging in the closet and a crib set up in our spare bedroom. We've been ready for a long time, but will she come? Only time will tell....until then, we are hopeful.

I loved that the bible study came along just when it did. I have loved getting to know James, half brother of Jesus himself, over these last 8 weeks in a study by Beth Moore, "Mercy Triumphs". James' epistle is one that will challenge you and tell you how to live as a Christian in a fallen and sinful world. It is quite the challenge.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

James 1:2-4 NIV