Getting the Siblings together!

It's always great when we can take a few minutes out of our busy days and get these siblings together for a visit!

I talked S into hugging her big brother!!



Preparing for the sneak attack...Silas wound up with a lot
of sand on him!



There's always one that won't cooperate....



R and her firstborn

Casa de Dobbins--Springtime fun!

Way back in 1994 when we built our house, we were SO excited to move out of a neighborhood and out to into the country. My parents' house is just 7/10 of a mile up the road, as well as my sister's. Of course now that my parents are gone, my brother has moved into the house. We do live on a pretty busy road, but we don't have any neighbors that we can see from our house. When we first built our house, we had been married 6 years and it was looking like we weren't going to be parents. I pretty much threw myself into my hobbies, one of which was spending a lot of time in the Home Depot garden center. Funny thing is, I didn't really research exactly how BIG the things would get that I was busy planting. In hindsight, that was obviously a BAD idea! So....after many years of neglecting to prune, I have been busy this last week doing just that. Today I tripped over a stump in our front yard natural area and did a faceplant on the ground. You know the saying, "The bigger they are, the harder they fall"? Yep, it hurt. Thankfully my wrist hit the rock and not my nose. I will be hurtin' tonight! 

This is my view for about 3 hours a week...we have a little over 5 acres,
I mow about 2 of them

This is the beginning of our first garden---we're going to try a raised bed and grow some basics:
squash, tomatoes, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, peppers, etc.

We are going to add some fruit trees to the back field, and maybe a pecan tree or two

This is where I've been working....the cedar trees were all the way to the ground,
I trimmed the bottoms of them off ---I guess I should have taken a "before" picture
so I could prove just how hard Silas and I worked!

The view from the front porch

I really didn't think these things would get this big since they were labeled "Dwarf"

Trampoline....our last addition from Nikole and Grandpa Steve at Christmas

I'm so glad that we have such a big area for the boys to get out and play, but it does take a lot of work to keep it up....for now I'm up to the task....until I get the boys trained to do it, that is!!

A Higher Standard

When you become a parent through the blessing of adoption, it's a whole different path than what most folks go through to have a child. Every part of your life is turned inside out and scrutinized. Every part. From your finances to the intimacy you share with your spouse. Seriously, I'm not kidding. Those who have been through the Home Study Process can attest to this. Your lives are turned inside out and completely exposed. Hopefully, we can find the humor in it after the fact. When you are in the midst of it, however, it is anything but funny. In fact, there are times when you just want to scream and say, "THIS IS NOT FAIR!". One of the questions I asked myself, and I'm sure others have too, is why I was chosen to have to walk this road. In the hardest times you question why it is so easy for some, and not easy for you. One thing I have often been reminded of is that Jesus does not call us to "easy" all the time. I know that I have learned to persevere in times where I just didn't think I could. Like sitting at the courthouse waiting to get a copy of you and your spouse's Criminal Background checks. Yep, you guessed it, you can't adopt if you're a criminal. I'm okay with that one. We had to submit documentation during our Home Studies to show our salaries, our budget, proof of Medical Insurance and Life Insurance, family histories, references from friends and Pastors, and even our thoughts and feelings on raising children---even down what kind of discipline measures we will use. That one was hard, especially when you're childless and you have no idea what you'll do when it's your turn. Most people get to think about that after their children are born. In our church circles, and among those leaders and teachers we hold in the highest regard, spanking is a common form of discipline that is taught and encouraged when done properly. But guess what? Most social workers I've met don't believe in spanking. Why? Probably because they've heard, seen, and studied the effects of abuse against children. So, how do you answer that question? See what I mean? Thus the title of this post. I feel that we as adoptive parents are held to a higher standard than those who build their families through traditional means. Is this fair? You know what, life isn't fair sometimes. So, when I'm feeling that way, I just tell myself to get over it and move on. Deal with it. It is what it is, and it's gonna be what it's gonna be. I talk to myself a lot. And then there's the dialogue I have with myself on a daily basis. The thoughts that the enemy puts in my head often, the ones where he tells me I'm not good enough, that my boys deserve more than I am giving them--that they deserve more things, more of my time, more of my attention, less of my anger, more patience than I have some days. It's that higher standard that I keep going  back to, the one that the outside world imposed on our family before we were allowed to be considered as parents for a baby in need of a family. Then, after jumping through all those hoops, you wait. And wait. And wait some more. And you question whether or not you are worthy to be a parent of a sweet little baby. Why would anyone trust you enough to hand over their baby to you? Back to searching for the humor in it all, Scott and I proclaim ourselves "Bubba & Bertha" in a "Ken & Barbie" world. Are we too old, too fat, too poor? But God. Those two words sum it up--but God. In His greater plan, he brought us the two most amazing boys we could have ever imagined. They are just right for our family. Even in all of the legalistic parts of the adoption process, God was still there.

I have never shared on this blog that we have been "on the list" for adoption #3 for the last 20 months. We applied in Feb 2010 and officially started the wait in August of 2010. I'm not sure all of the reasons for not putting it all out there, some of them probably are valid, some not. Many people in our everyday lives know, we haven't kept it a secret by any means.  In some ways I don't feel we are worthy of another. I could say that I feel guilty to be in the running with many younger, childless couples when we already have two. Aside from that, I have a deep desire for a little girl somewhere out there to be a part of our family. I pray for her everyday. Many times I have asked the Lord why we are having to wait so long this time, and I haven't gotten a clear answer from Him. I know that He knew all our family would go through over the last year. It could be that this time His answer is "No". I am praying that I will be okay with it if it comes down to that. There are a lot of pink things hanging in the closet and a crib set up in our spare bedroom. We've been ready for a long time, but will she come? Only time will tell....until then, we are hopeful.

I loved that the bible study came along just when it did. I have loved getting to know James, half brother of Jesus himself, over these last 8 weeks in a study by Beth Moore, "Mercy Triumphs". James' epistle is one that will challenge you and tell you how to live as a Christian in a fallen and sinful world. It is quite the challenge.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

James 1:2-4 NIV

AWANA Derby!!

Mrs. Peggy watching over the activities! She works so hard for the kids
and we appreciate her so much!

Stephen patiently waiting for the races to start!

Silas' truck...Camo striped number 13

Stephen's Rollback Truck, with a Matchbox car as an accessory
 (Silas was the designer of both cars!)

Stephen, Connor, Silas and Briely

Mr. Jeff was the starter!

Stephen, Will, and Preston with their trophies

Silly boy....he is such a hoot!

Showing off his trophy to Pastor Chris

Hugging on Mrs. Becky

All the winners with their trophies!

The boys enjoyed participating in this year's AWANA derby. Silas designed both cars and Uncle Tommy (my brother) was gracious enough to cut the designs out, but Silas did all of the sanding, painting, and wheel attachments. Stephen came in 3rd place for his age group for speed. Silas didn't win a trophy, but he was only a little sad. We reminded him that he worked on both cars, so it was a victory for him too!

"I stand corrected!"

Isn't it so hard to admit when we are wrong? I recently had a situation happen where I had my motives questioned and it was a very hurtful time. In the same way, I know that I myself often question people's motives, what drives them to act and behave as they do. That is judgement, pure and simple, and we all do it at one time or another, some even camp out there and stay a while. Lord I pray I never become one of those people! I've been studying the book of James for about 6 weeks now. I am proud to be part of a church that reaches out to the community: we have over 200 women from 30 different churches doing this Beth Moore study, "Mercy Triumphs" together. This study can cut you right to the core. Good ole James, brother of Jesus (half brother, technically) does NOT mince words, he tells it like it is! I really appreciate that about him, even when it hurts! Right off the bat, James says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." Wow. I know when I go through trials, the last thing I want to do is count it as joy, but that is exactly what God's word says we should do. There have been many trials I've faced, many that have been condensed into one very stressful year. Count it as joy, well I'm working on that one--daily.
I love that I can stay home with the boys now, even on the days that we have when nothing seems to go right. I love that they are getting to spend more time working on their relationship with one another, and I get more time to mother them. We have great conversations, too. Whether it is while we are doing schoolwork, or loading in the car to go to Costco, we have ongoing dialogue with each other all day long. Yesterday, Stephen asked me "What does 'stand corrected' mean momma?" Of course I had to think of how to best explain that in 5 year old terms, so I said, "Well, it means that someone might tell you something and you don't really believe them. Then later, you find out that they were right. Then you can say to them, 'I stand corrected', and it's like saying you were wrong." Of course in my mind I'm thinking, "Where in the world did he hear that? TV, I guess?" Anyway, he asked again later and I said pretty much the same thing again, I suppose he wanted a clear understanding for some reason. I do love his inquisitive nature! I went out to dinner with my adoptive mom's group last night and the boys were still up when I got home (very late!). Scott told me how he couldn't believe what Stephen had said. They were watching Wipeout, and Stephen said that no one would make it over the balls. Somehow, one contestant made it without falling off...to which Stephen replied, "I stand corrected!". Oh how gracious God is to allow us to see that the time we spend with our children is not wasted, that they learn so much from us through simple conversations. My prayer is that I will be that kind of person that will be quick to admit when I am wrong and say, "I stand corrected!"

Who? What? Where? When? How? WHY?

That's me. I ask A LOT of questions. Just ask my husband, he will tell you all about it. When we were dating, he would say, "The next thing you're gonna ask is 'Why is the sky blue?'". I don't know why I have been given this questioning nature, but I have. I think that it is a nature that many women share. I tend to talk to the Lord a lot. And myself. Out loud. My boys will ask me, "Who are you talking to momma?". It is a hard thing not knowing the "why" sometimes, but I must remember that God knows. I believe everything does happen for a reason, but that reason is not known in the moment, it usually takes a lot of hindsight to see even a glimpse of it. I didn't know how I was going to make it through my mom's sickness and death, but I did. I didn't know Scott's brother would pass away the same day as my mom. I couldn't imagine how we would cope with a double loss, but we did. I didn't know what to do about my dad being so distraught over losing my mom. I didn't know he would take such drastic measures to be with her sooner than he should have, but he did. I don't know why he thought he couldn't go on. I don't know when the loss will get easier. I think I'm better than a year ago, but maybe I'm not. I know that I have peace that can only come from God, the kind of peace that the Bible talks about, that transcends all understanding. There is no way I could function otherwise. There are some questions I hear answered through a quiet whisper to my soul. Ones like "Why must I go through this?"...and He answers "Because you cannot become who I need you to be without these trials." Or this one, "Lord you know the desires of my heart, why do you not answer my prayers?" He answers, "The time has not yet come....My timing is perfect".  I thank the Lord that he does give me answers, I just have to remember that it might not be the answer I want to hear. I can go to His word and find comforting verses in times of trails and tribulations, knowing that He speaks to me and I must be careful to pray His will for my life.

One question I have learned the answer to: Why was I never able to get pregnant? Because He called me to be a mom through adoption! I would not change a thing. I have been blessed with the two most amazing boys! Yes, hindsight IS 20/20!!

As an ongoing battle to become a better daughter of the Lord, I ask Him daily to help me be less inquisitive (okay, I'll just say it...NOSY)....and accept things as they are without trying to analyze everything....and as a bonus, my husband will be a happy man!

I will make an effort to practice my motto daily:

 "It is what it is, and it's gonna be what it's gonna be."

Friends, remind me of that when I ask a dumb question....